Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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