As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
