I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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