i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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