he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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