Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
