$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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