She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
