The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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