when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
