i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
