She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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