never play flip cup with pint glasses
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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