i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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