if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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