the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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