What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
