I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
