someone get that fucking seahorse.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
