Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
