i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
