you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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