So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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