this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
