seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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