I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
