I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
