Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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