My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
