So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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