i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
