You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
