I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
