would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
