I'm passing your future prison.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
