we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
