I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
