Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
