Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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