Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
