We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
