Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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