Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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