dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
