I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
