wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
