Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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