I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
