im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
