Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
