I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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